Okay, so I would label myself a late twenties autistic woman who is bi and personally recently realized I also perceive myself as agender. Which I know is non-binary, but I also enjoy the external perception as female from society due to not particularly caring how others perceive me inheriting as a female. Hence landing on the label of women over enby. I working on the inner acceptance, but it’s a label a the end of the day for me for this particular issue.

Anyway, introductions aside, I have a couple of questions about the Ace experience. I’ve flirted with the idea that I might be ace, but i also don’t fully relate to the ace experience as I understand it to be a lack of interest/desire for sex. And I’m also weighing in the religious guilt/trauma around sex that may be the cause of feeling disconnected with sex.

I understand ace to be a lack of interest in sex/no or low sexual desire/no or low libido/sexual disgust/a general disinterest in sex.

I find sex to be overwhelming and kinda scary for the senses. Easy to get overwhelmed and mentally dissociate. I like the idea of sex, I read smut novels all the time, I want to be in a sexual romantic relationship because I like the idea of it. Reality wise, I don’t crave sex. Like I have a low libido, it doesn’t occur to me to initiate sex in a relationship generally. Like I literally look at partners, appreciate how amazing they look and don’t get turned on. I am attracted to them, I get turned on when I realize I’m being flirted with and being mushy. But I have to be explicitly told in some way by my partner to realize I can be in romantic mental mode. Like sexual desire doesn’t come from within me, I need a cue to play the role. I don’t think i have a general disinterest in sex, but instead a lack of initial interest.

Does that make me ace? I don’t think so, but i also relate to the ace experience. Even though I do like sex, i don’t inheritly want sex and i would be generally satisfied in a mostly sexless relationship if my partner prefers that.